from the onion

we've been discussing here at the office whether satire is dead due to just how ridiculous the world has become. that's as may be, but this is damn funny.

RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48

LOS ANGELES—The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered telling friends, acquaintances, or associates about new songs, artists, or albums. "We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material," a press release signed by RIAA anti-piracy director Brad Buckles read. "We will aggressively prosecute those individuals who attempt to pirate our property by generating 'buzz' about any proprietary music, movies, or software, or enjoy same in the company of anyone other than themselves." RIAA attorneys said they were also looking into the legality of word-of-mouth "favorites-sharing" sites, such as coffee shops, universities, and living rooms.

it's the most wonderful time of the year

by which i mean time for year-end lists. woo-hoo! what satisfies a giant music dork quite like ranking things? you get all the excitement of sitting, being quiet and writing things down. yes, top tens have it all.

top ten albums of 2005:

1. why? – elephant eyelash
2. broken social scene – s/t
3. feist – let it die
4. m.i.a. – arular
5. spoon – gimme fiction
6. new pornographers – twin cinema
7. halloween, alaska – too tall to hide
8. the mars volta – frances the mute
9. death cab for cutie – plans
10. the hold steady – separation sunday

i can't really tell if this is final. i don't think that top 5 is gonna change much, but i'm hemming and hawing over the bottom 5. i also loved the wolf parade disc, and fourtet and board of canada both made great discs this year. i'm working on a local top ten as well, which i'll put up in a little while.

i've also been thinking about songs that have particularly stood out. in this age of playlists and itune, it seems to me that songs are rising in importance vs. albums and there have definitely been great songs on not completely fantastic albums, like "perfect speed" from 13&god's album.

i dunno. hip-hop? anybody? sims's disc is gonna be on my top ten for local albums, i know. part of the problem with this is remembering what the hell came out this year. so i implore you: post some top tens of albums, songs, haircuts, bars, shows or whatever else you feel like.

Sound Gallery Open House!

The Sound Gallery Open House happening last night, a music extravaganza celebrating new recording studio acquired by Nick Tveitbakk (Daykit, These Modern Socks) and Jacob Grun (seldomseen), was unbelievable! This event was HUGE, in a HUGE space. Seemingly thousands were still there in the wee hours of the morning, with a few more acts to go! (Numbers were in the high hundreds, I'm certain). I've never been to anything like this in my life. People lined the flights of stairs, the band room was really cool and exclusive and looking like a groovy '60's den, with fantastic DJ Plain Ole’ Bill spinning a wide array, from '80's pop tunes to Grandmaster Fly.

The lineup was jawdropping: Joanna James, Super Danger, Plastic Chord, Parts for all Makes, Puppies, XOXO Judy, Faux Jean, seldomseen, Harp and Finial, Thunder in the Valley, Daykit, and Chris Koza, and I likely missed a few in between. I got there in time to see the last three. TiTV were fantastic as always, getting everyone to dance wildly. Lead singer Graham called Amy Hager (Fort Wilson Riot) onstage to sing a song. "She doesn't know this song. She doesn't know the words. But she's going to sing it with us!" Amy was of course completely up to the task, listening and getting the feel of it, then pulling everything up from inside and belting out a raw, strong, bluesy croon, then "baaaby" stuff, then improvizational lyrics on the spot, she and Graham alternating between crooning with and screaming at each other. It was a rare, great moment, of many that night. She has an incredible voice, and she and Fort Wilson Riot are not to be missed.

I'd not seen Daykit, and now I know what all the buzz is about. Lead Corey Palmer is an excellent vocalist/songwriter. Daykit, generated These Modern Socks with 3 of their personnel, including Corey and feature two Harp and Finial guys. All good, and hundreds of people were happy to see Daykit again.

Grun, experiencing laryngitis from singing and meeting and greeting so many friends and still quite elated, gave me the tour of their beautiful recording studio rooms and equipment. Amazing. It's an extremely large beautiful warehouse recording and performance space on 3rd Avenue North, South of Washington, with a spectacular future ahead. Keep your ears to the ground for more to come of this.

heiruspecs not family friendly?

just got an e-mail from vickie gillmer, heiruspecs manager, informing me (and a large number of other people, i assume) that heiruspecs has been kicked off the bill at an upcoming benefit at the mall of america for not being "family friendly." what? sure, they swear, but so do a lot of families, and they've always been totally on-point about not swearing in their shows when they've been asked to. and how could the mall of america not know what they were getting when they signed them up to play in the first place? this is hip-hop after all and when was the last time you heard family friendly rap (defining family friendly as MOA is) that was any good? pretty much never.

maybe young mc is still available, MOA. i'm pretty sure he's not too busy these days.

heiruspecs tour diary: road update

Full disclosure by Steve McPherson: Twinkie Jiggles is my brother, but that only means that I have a full appreciation of just how funny and entertaining his tour diaries can be. Any and all bands who tour are hereby invited to submit tour diaries of their very own to musiceditor@pulsetc.com, as I think this is a fantastic way to get a little slice of life on the road. So now onto Twinkie’s latest from the road.

Thu., Nov. 3, 2005
Heiruspecs, in one sense, has been together for 8 years and one month. But, in another sense, we've been together for two minutes. We are maneuvering around St. Paul picking up the last member of Heiruspecs. We are leaving for a one-month tour opening for founding Pharcyde member Tre Hardson. The tour is called "Slimkid's Liberation Tour." In my world, the tour is called, "Hi, I'd Like To Request a Balance Increase?" 2005. Gas is expensive, these rap kids are cheap and I don't stay fat for free. Heiruspecs is about overnight drives, killer trips to Subway, drink tickets (not free beer), and we all think Jennifer Tilly is attractive. We will start this tour driving straight to Colgate University in New York State. Colgate is a magnet for polo shirts, Keystone Light, and Saabs. We will be meeting up with Tre Hardson in Philly on Tuesday. But we're going to play this one without him.
We get to Colgate on time, which I think shocks everyone at the college. As a 111 lb. male freshman plugs in a huge PA backwards I get the feeling that we might be on our own as far as audio fidelity goes. I've met very few bad fat soundguys. The plot thickens as we learn that thousands of bands we've never heard of are on the bill. But I've heard of Grand Buffet. Sick Pittsburgh '80s disco rap combined with an Adult Swim sense of humor. Lord Grunge and Grape-a-Don [of Grand Buffet] arrive in their nice-ass car and we cuddle and laugh.
The stage manager/sound guy/sole contact guy is everyone's best friend, which means that we'll be going up super late. But honestly, what's late and what's early? Lord Grunge, [Heiruspecs drummer] Peter Leggett and me go to the dining hall and re-enact the Fat Boys all-you-can-eat Sbarro bonanza as seen in the classically terrible film, "Krush Groove". Um, my brother's the music editor of this paper so he'd take this out if it's not true, but I will eat anything. But this food is crappy. Maybe the teachers [at Colgate] are good, or paid well or something, but honestly, turn that grill on and let's see some veggie burgers and patties.
Grand Buffet's music for me is secondary to the never-ending tirades they push out of their mouths between songs. While accompanied by their sampler that has famous DMX lines on cue, they explained they were honored to be playing at the college where the Red Hot Chili Peppers went to high school. I am standing up and laughing my half-clean ass off.
The night goes longer and longer and people who came to see us are starting to leave cause they still like liquor more. By the time we get up, the hardcore Heiruspecs people are here. They number about 18 and that's fine with us. We put on a passionate show and have fun. Even though the college is paying us, we all ask for places to stay 'cause Colgate leaves something lacking in the affordable hotel realm.

New Rule: The girl on acid will say you can stay at her house. But you can't.

Sat., Nov. 5–Mon., Nov. 7
Saturday through Monday we are in Williamstown, Mass., where I was born. I spend days listening to my iPod; walking around where my elementary school used to be; looking at the first place I ever tried to smoke pot, third place I ever kissed girl, best pizza place, favorite record store, field where I cried, house where I lived, people I grew up with. I was raised in a town that made it real hard to be an artist. It was sports, academics and maybe classical music. But playing guitar in bands wasn't the social climb it was in the Twin Cities. Heiruspecs went and played at my old high school on Monday primarily because I want to communicate any way I can that you can make art of any kind happen no matter where you're born. You might have to move, you might have a harder time than someone born in a city, but everyone can try to make art. I see a bunch of my old teachers and a bunch of my old friends who are now teachers here. I am weirded out. I have a lot of hard memories of being a boy here.

Tue., Nov. 8
Robert Skoro begins and ends Philadelphia for me. We will sleep in his house, we will drink on his roof. He will sell merch for us. We are playing at a club called the Fire that we have played at before. The first day of tour is always confusing but this one trumps them all. On this tour we're opening for Tre Hardson but they've opted to have us headline this one. We are told that Tre Hardson will not have any equipment with him and they need to use ours. As we struggle through most of this and are trying to figure out set times I am mainly just reading an industry magazine that tells us exactly how many people paid to see particular artists on particular nights. So, the truth is out: Dave Matthews Band is very popular. Fat Joe, not so much. I do a lot bit of the starstruck thing when I meet Slim Kid Tre from the Pharcyde. Classic. Tre Hardson is very nice and without any kind of star-like pretension. We play our show and a lot of people actually stick around for us and we get some props. We get dropped off at Rob Skoro's and drink too much rum on the roof. It's windy and people without lighters are kind of screwed.

Wed., Nov. 9
Ithaca, NY tried to ruin Slimkid's Liberation Tour. We got put up in this killer bed-and-charge-you-extra-for-breakfast that this super-eager music-fan guy runs. Pretty much from meeting this guy I learned tons about how he felt about everything in regards to the funnest bands, the bunk he built for Antibalas and other stuff that isn't on the iPod I was awkwardly holding like some sort of conversation ender. We played to the nine people that were there and they were very supportive. A girl talked to me for a long time and we were leaning into each other and laughing. She mentioned she was dating the bartender. I looked over and he looked as angry as a guy with a ponytail and a beard can look. He looked like the girl version of Chuck Norris. I opted to pass on the rest of my drink and talk to my computer instead. I slept in the weird house.

Thu., Nov. 10
New York City's best quality is being not Ithaca. Its worst quality is it being pretty hard to park. At 6 p.m. we unload into the club and I meet the first guy who ever booked a Heiruspecs show in NYC. He gave us the show because I was honest about how many people I could get into the door. That's the first and last time honesty has helped me in the music industry. The rest of the night we're just dealing with finding places to stay and hanging out with all our New York friends. Even if one doesn't have New York friends, you will, because people move there every year. I probably won't move to a city where my rent would triple and every salad bar would be pay-per-pound. But for two nights I'm with it. Our set goes well and there's a bunch of people here to see us. After that I pay exorbitant prices to drink little bits of liquor drowned in soda water. In the end I work it out to stay at an NYU dorm with a girl we met on tour in Champaign. I kind of thought an NYU dorm was a ticket to fun, although it never was when my girlfriend went there a couple years ago. Turns out the girl went home shortly after our set and was just down to let me into sleep by the time I got there. We walked into her room and she asked me how I felt about sleeping on the top bunk.

Rule 2 - Keep the fat, drunk guy on the floor or as close to the floor as possible.

She violated Rule 2 and parked me on the top bunk. I may or may not have woken up and peed in the bathroom but not necessarily the toilet. I may have definitely cleaned it up though. So be cool.

Sat., Nov. 12
Boston, Mass., is the blueprint for annoying white people. If they lose the rest of us, they won't lose a beat. It's time for Boston to burn. It's been around for too long. The club obviously hates the fact that our friends came and we didn't put them on the guest list and that we have a draw in Boston. We did an interview with Harvard radio in our van because we couldn't make it to the station and the club wouldn't let them in cause they're youngins. The club sounds great and I see a bunch of friends from my hometown as well as some newly re-located Heiruspecs fans. Tre Hardson plays for a really long time and people only get into it when they get really drunk and he plays Pharcyde songs. Go Bruins. I buy chicken wings that cost $35 a piece and go to sleep in the corner of a hotel room full of Heiruspecs.

Sun., Nov. 13
Hartford, Conn., is located right near places where people like good rap. But Hartford is a pocket all its own. There are approximately 15 openers and with the show starting at 6 p.m., we the tour openers don't get onstage until 9:30. There are literally two stages going full of openers. And people are super-psyched about them. Everyone's got their posse of friends and it means a well-attended show but Heiruspecs plays to about 19 people. And this place can fit like 1400 people. I don't even think Hartford can fit that many people. The staff likes us. We sell some CDs. A girl we know gives us flowers from the gas station next door. It's too bad they didn't have cards that say "Sorry about Hartford". And then my brother wrote me and said the Pulse needs an article and I started cleaning all this stuff up so I can send it before I leave for Canada tomorrow. ||

oh buddy: centro-matic.

sometimes, kids, it's more fun to re-buy an album you know is great than to take a flier on something new. while looking for derek and the dominos stuff at cheapo today, i meandered past the c section (not that kind; the letter) and saw what i thought was a new disc by centro-matic. it turned out to be an older disc (2002) but what i also saw was love you just the same, which was one of my favorite discoveries in summer of 2004. through a series of computer mishaps and itunes difficulties, i had lost the right to play these files on my computer, so i hastily snatched up the disc and listened to it all morning here in the offices.

damn: this is a fine record. it's a little alt.country and a little indie rock in the pavement mold. the guitars are gloriously fuzzy, pushing the speakers to the limit in fine "cut your hair" fashion and the ballads (the outstanding "all the lightning rods" and "without you") are spacious and lonely. singer will johnson has a definite way with words, and his free association lyrics are evocative without being direct, which is pretty much all you could ask for out of this kind of stream-of-consciousness stuff.

above all, though, the album's got a real texturality and feel to it from the instant the drums break in on leadoff track "the mighty midshipman." think long car drives and starry summer nights. dusty roads. analog everything. come to think of it, it's not unlike the rocking flipside to stuff like the ashtray hearts. they're the kind of band i'd want to be in. not too adventurous, in love with the sound of a good song coming out of shitty amps. can i say that on the internet? amps?

pat metheny on kenny g

a little impromptu discussion in the office here about the relative merits of kenny g and michael bolton brought me back to this lovely little quote from guitarist pat metheny from 2000 regarding his initial statement in a short video clip that kenny g plays "the dumbest music on the planet." i still think this stands as one of the most comprehensive and spot-on critical smackdowns of anyone. ever. he is speaking about g's overdubbing of himself onto "what a wonderful world," by the late-great louis armstrong.

"When Kenny G decided that it was appropriate for him to defile the music of the man who is probably the greatest jazz musician that has ever lived by spewing his lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy, out-of-tune, noodling, wimped out, fucked up playing all over one of the great Louis's tracks (even one of his lesser ones), he did something that I would not have imagined possible. He, in one move, through his unbelievably pretentious and calloused musical decision to embark on this most cynical of musical paths, shit all over the graves of all the musicians past and present who have risked their lives by going out there on the road for years and years developing their own music inspired by the standards of grace that Louis Armstrong brought to every single note he played over an amazing lifetime as a musician. By disrespecting Louis, his legacy and by default, everyone who has ever tried to do something positive with improvised music and what it can be, Kenny G has created a new low point in modern culture - something that we all should be totally embarrassed about - and afraid of."

ben lee: the great awakening

once again, horrible restrictions of space have forced a wonderful piece to the web, but fear not. the web is the future! arise and go see ben lee!



by Sally McGraw

Youth is not always wasted on the young.

By the time Australian singer-songwriter Ben Lee was 16 years old, he’d befriended Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore, released his first full-length studio album on the Beastie Boys’ (now-defunct) Grand Royal label and had one of his songs covered by the Lemonheads. While most of us were locked in our bedrooms listening to these tastemakers, Lee was touring with them.

The teenaged Lee came on the scene just before the late-nineties deluge of teen performers hit the American airwaves. But the earnest, hooky and charmingly-awkward songs on his first release, Grandpaw Would, would set him miles apart from the Disney-manufactured teen-pop parade that followed. And over the course of the next decade, Lee refined his sound—moving from Jonathan Richman-derivative geek-rock toward a quietly polished, uninhibited, folk-pop that thrums with vibrant emotion.

Although Lee’s staggering talent and relentless ambition have kept his career afloat, there’s no denying that kismet played a part in both his early and his ongoing success. What would’ve happened if Fallaheen Records’ Steve Pavlovic hadn’t stopped by a library book sale to hear Lee’s band, Noise Addict, in 1993? What if Evan Dando had hated Lee’s tribute song, “I Wish I Was Him,”—instead of loving it so much, he recorded his own version? What if Lee hadn’t come to the mainstream public eye as Claire Danes’ boyfriend?

“I don’t know what would’ve happened had circumstances been different,” Lee states simply. “But I have always felt destiny calling me onwards. So I have to assume that there are many roads that could get me where I need to go.”

Having powerful and talented friends has helped keep Lee on the radar, but his gang of famous cohorts has influenced his music as well as his buzzworthiness. Lee has worked with everyone from Aussie pop diva Kylie Minogue to the Twin Cities’ own Har Mar Superstar, and found every collaboration valuable.

“Forced collaboration is meaningless. It’s gotta have a flow,” says Lee. “When I’m working with someone I admire, I often hit a moment when I disagree with something they’re saying and I want to chicken out. ‘That’s Ben Folds,’ I think, ‘he must be right!’ But then I remember my own musical power, and the fact that they are trusting my intuition, too. It’s a great test of self-esteem.”

Being surrounded by legends and luminaries from his career’s start has doubtlessly influenced Lee’s sound. But, ultimately, he is a self-taught musician, and has an instinctive knack for pairing hypnotic hooks with deceptively simple lyrics. He seems to have hit upon a foolproof method for creating engaging pop songs.

“There has to be a message,” Lee explains. “Whether it’s a story, a feeling, or a viewpoint—the song has to mean something. Then it has to be covered in sugar! Think of it like medicine—you need sugar to sweeten the medicine. The soul of the song is good for you; it awakens your heart. The hooks and melodies make it go down smoothly.”

His most recent album, Awake is the New Sleep, goes down smoothest yet. More melodically mature than 1998’s Breathing Tornados, less experimental and frenetic than 2002’s Hey You. Yes You, Lee’s fifth record is welcoming, gentle and ultimately seamless. His brilliantly simple musical ideas blossom through organic-feeling arrangements and Brad Wood’s deft production. This group of songs is uncluttered without being austere; Awake is the New Sleep relies heavily on the sonic staples of guitar, bass and drums with few unusual instrumental adornments. But the album never veers toward the boring or predictable. Lee’s ardent vocal delivery gives each song a seductive inner glow, and his mercilessly catchy melodies will wrap themselves around your brain.

Lee’s lyrical style often employs unrhymed, storytelling verses, followed by perfectly-crafted pop refrains. It’s a technique that keeps listeners in a state of relaxed alertness – the ideal mindset for absorbing quality pop. And although many songs on Awake is the New Sleep appear to push a love-thy-neighbor philosophy, others smack of heady heartbreak—lending the album credibility and balance. Upbeat grooves, such as the party-ready “Catch My Disease” and the buoyantly melodic “Into the Dark,” stand out on first listen. But careful examination brings the slightly sinister ballad “Apple Candy” to the fore, as well as the frustrated seduction anthem “Get Gotten.” “Gamble Everything for Love” pairs a rhythmic minor melody with a rolling, repetitive, staccato lyrical line—creating a song that is at once familiar and utterly new. Although every song on the album is carefully crafted and emotionally ripe, it is these slightly darker tracks that showcase Lee’s full musical potential.

That potential has long been acknowledged in the U.S. But although Breathing Tornados went platinum in his native Australia, Lee has endured years of patchy praise from Australian critics and music fans. With this new album, he’s finally garnering some serious accolades : last week, Awake is the New Sleep won three ARIA awards (the Australian Grammy equivalent ) for single of the year, best indie release and best male artist. Although it must be gratifying and relieving to be back in the fold, Lee has adopted a wizened attitude toward the experience of being adored abroad while ostracized at home.

“Looking back it all seems like a difficult adolescence or something,” he says. “I used to throw stones at windows if I didn’t like them. Now I just build new windows that I like better. It’s a more joyful experience.” ||

Ben Lee performs Thu., Nov. 3 at the Fine Line Music Cafe with New Buffalo. 8 p.m. 18+. $13.50/$16. For more info on Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, oh Mr. Lee, visit his official website at www.ben-lee.com.

happy november!

fall has definitely arrived in force. felt like the snow the other day, wouldn't you say? i caught broken social scene on saturday, who were really incredible, and made all the moreso when joined by leslie feist for "shoreline" and "almost crimes." she even played drums on "almost crimes" and ramped up the energy. with ten people already on stage, you'd think they'd be at capacity, but feist was really a catalyst for some great stuff. the almost casual way the group approached having horn players come up mid-song and the switching of instruments among principal members was laudable and unusual. usually when you get that many people on stage, it becomes a tightly choreographed dance and stage show, but they just acted like it was a, for lack of a better term, jam session.

i need to heartily recommend a disc i just got from duluth-er mary bue. about half the tracks were produced by alan sparhawk of low and you'd think that wouldn't make a big difference since most of it is just piano and vocals, but it does. it's pretty easy to mess up piano and voice by making it too sparkly, but the disc is imbued with a very distinct sound. it's like you've woken up mid-morning on an overcast sunday on lake superior by the sound of muted music, and as you wander downstairs you find ms. bue seated at the creaky piano in the parlor, just playing for herself. the tunes are great and all self-penned.

Contacting Signal eats noise.

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