SXSW - Day T minus 2

"You're like, 'Yeah,' and then it's like 'Fuck Yeah!' And then you're just, 'Whoa.'"

Good morning, Austin. We're here! I've journeyed, via minivan, from Minneapolis with an intrepid crew consisting of Matt Perkins, Jerry Steller and Jesse Stensby from Vitriol Radio and Lindsay Kimball from 89.3 The Current and her own bad self.

And boy, let me just give you some highlights: A BMW tried to kill us in Minnesota. Then Kansas tried to kill us in an Econo Lodge. Then Denny's killed us south of Waco. And then cat pee tried to kill us in Austin. Lemme 'splain ...

All the driving almost all of the way down to our first night's stop in Wichita was uneventful, except for the nutjob in the Beemer who nearly flipped his car right in front of us on 35 just south of the Twin Cities. We almost called 911, but then he mercifully veered off onto an exit ramp. I'm sorry for whoever had to deal with him after that.

A great thing about a roadtrip with a group of radio promoters is there's just no lack of good music going on in the car. Oh, the things we listened to. I can't even remember it all, but suffice it to say, there were no showtunes and no a capella music. Dinner was at the Drake Diner in Des Moines, Iowa. Good times.

And then Kansas. Man, if I were Dorothy, I'd count myself lucky to be whisked away by a tornado to Oz and never look back. We'll just have to rely on a tornado named minivan to whisk us away to Oz-tin, I guess. We stopped in Wichita for the night. Man, their roads don't make a lick of sense-- it took us at least 20 minutes to get to the Econo Lodge from the highway and we could see it the whole time.

The room: tiny. The bathroom: less than savory. Oh, and despite promises proffered by the desk guy, there's not wireless internet to be found. Not even using the username Econo and the password Lodge, which is what dude at the front desk told us. While Kimball, Stensby and Perkins soak in the Wichita nightlife at Old Chicago, Jerry and I made a game attempt to get the air mattress down in between the two double beds and then, suddenly, we're down one air mattress. Who puts nails into the sides of their beds? Fortunately, we've got a backup for tonight, but tomorrow, the specter of the search for a new one will haunt our day.

Next day: See ya, Wichita. I will give it this: I can think of two songs with Wichita in the title right off the top of my head: "Wichita Lineman" by Glen Campbell and "True Dreams of Wichita" by Soul Coughing. I can't say that about Kansas City. Bert is waiting in his Mustang out in the parking lot to bid us farewell.



We pass through Oklahoma without incident, and no sign of Curly McLain. After blowing our big chance at bottomless salad and breadsticks at Olive Garden, we settle for Denny's. And man, I don't even know where to start with this one, kids. Don't go to Denny's. Just don't. I think we were there for a grand total of an hour and a half, during which time no less than three parties walked out without being served. Basically, there was a staff of at least 12 on hand, but our waitress was the only one doing anything productive. She was working her ass off, while a giant, Amazonian woman who was clearly high took care of the other tables. The cook was new, apparently, and was seen on the phone at least once, probably asking a friend what "over easy" means.

And then there was the prize couple sitting behind us. When we sat down, the young lady was demanding at the top of her voice that her boyfriend, "try some slaw! Try some slaw!" And she kept yelling at him, "Stop it!" And also, "If you make that socket sound one more time, I'm going to kill you." And, "I think your head and neck must be shrinking, because the collar on your shirt is way bigger now." I'm not even kidding. This poor waitress. She was kicking ass all over the place and getting no help. Dear Denny's: I'm never speaking to you again.

I'm going to skip over the thunderstorm, the search for a replacement air mattress and all that. I mean, really, SXSW hasn't even started yet. We're all just hanging out around an apartment that smelled of cat pee until we took to it with cleaners late last night, happy to have the internet and doing work. There'll be another post tomorrow, probably about Austin in general, and maybe I'll actually start talking about music.